Two crucial skills for any parent to learn and practice for raising balanced children are keeping calm and problem-solving. Parents need to model and coach their children. In order to do that, they need to be calm and be a great problem solver.
Calmness and Problem Solving
Keeping calm and problem-solving are two essential skills most defiant children lack. The more the parents can remain calm and possess problem-solving skills, the more they can influence the child to do the same. There are numerous exercises designed for parents to increase their self-awareness. This is to facilitate changes necessary for a balanced parenting mindset. When a parent can see himself/herself as an emotional coach for the child, the less likely it is to take the child’s misbehaviour personally. Your child’s challenging behaviours are not targeted at you personally, even though at times your child might take their frustrations out on you. Essentially, the key is keeping calm and addressing problems when you are emotionally calm. We can not emphasis this point enough, it’s crucial.
Contemplate and create a list of all the positive parenting behaviours you practice with your child. On the other hand, also identify all the negative parenting behaviours you practice with your child. To get the ball rolling, here is a list of positive and negative parenting behaviours you can start with. Are applying any of these? If so, how often and when? And if you are not applying any of these positive parenting behaviours or if you are not practicing these enough, there is no better time to start than now.
“Your children will become who you are; so be who you want them to be.”
Anonymous
If you notice that you have a longer list of negative parenting behaviours than the positives, that’s okay. Just start making changes from this moment on. Like all parents, everyone makes their share of mistakes. Some negative behaviours are more destructive to the relationship between the parent and the child. These negative behaviours that are extremely destructive to any relationship are the following; hitting and yelling, nagging, criticizing, interrupting, dwelling on past conflicts, using guilt, sarcasm, making threats, lying, using excessive harsh consequences and last but not least, denying your child’s feelings.
These negative behaviours that are extremely destructive to any relationship are the following; hitting and yelling, nagging, criticizing, interrupting, dwelling on past conflicts, using guilt, sarcasm, making threats, lying, using excessive harsh consequences and last but not least, denying your child’s feelings.
The usage of these negative behaviours can increase your child’s challenging behaviours, especially with defiant children. It is very easy for all of us to state that we ‘will not do that anymore’ and yet find ourselves behaving in the same manner. Occasional mistakes might occur and when they do, it is important to discuss these and address them with the child. The more the parent can model being accountable for their own negative behaviours, the more you can influence your child to do the same. Start today; work on how to relax, remain calm and problem solve as a family.